I am known as the mother of Liam and Kate. Yet I (obviously) was once the mother of just Liam. It was just our little family of three... just the two of us whilst daddy was at work. The three of use rocking the weekends. We were so excited to meet our second child who was going to be born one month before Liam turned two! I would read him stories about having a new baby in the family. I prepared stories myself explaining how he would have to sleep over at his grandmother whilst I go to hospital etc. I showed him all the clothes we would be dressing her up in and all the equipment we would be needing. I talked a lot about what we would do once the baby was here but he was too young to understand what was really going on at that time. I tried my best to prepare him for the big change that was going to happen in his life. But I never prepared myself for what I felt when our beautiful baby girl was born.
I had a planned caesarean on September 2016. She was here! Finally! Liam was with my mother at that time. I was so looking forward to seeing him and show him his new baby sister. I wanted to see his reaction.. And well.. I wanted to see him! When my husband brought him into the room, Liam stared at Kate, then at me. I was holding her but not him. And I couldn’t hold him (having a fresh c-section). And there it hit me. It was no longer just him. The life of being a mother of one was gone.
The following weeks I remember them as being very strange in terms of feelings. I was so happy and felt blessed to have Kate in our lives. Yet I mourned the life I had as being a mother to Liam alone. All those mornings we spent together alone him and I... gone. All those bedtimes snuggling up just him and I... gone. Even washing him was hard as Kate would not let me put her down most of the time so I would wash him whilst having her strapped to me in the ring sling. Long nights meant I couldn’t be fully present in the mornings with him etc etc. The thing is, life with Liam was beautiful! I had loved every second (or my mind is tricking me into thinking that as it often purposely forgets things 😊 ). I felt I wasn’t quite ready to give that up yet. I knew he would feel the change, but I never expected to feel this way.
Two months passed and these feelings slowly started to die down. We started to adjust to a life of a family of four and with all its ups and downs it became a life even better than before. Our little ray of sunshine fills up our life with so much joy (some drama moments too but she is allowed for that given she calls herself a ‘princess drama queen’ 😊 ) and we are so thankful to have her in our life. As naps started to get established I could spend some time alone with Liam. That is when ‘Mummy- Liam time’ was created. He was always an early riser so we would have mornings together too and when Kate started to settle down, I started taking Liam out on mini dates whilst she stayed with her daddy or grandparents. Liam still uses the term ‘Mummy-Liam Time’ till this day and he loves it! It’s a bit trickier since school started but we manage somehow (not daily mind you). As time passed and both children started to grow we now also have ‘Mummy-Kate Time’, ‘Mummy- Daddy Time’ and hoorahhhh ‘Mummy-Mummy Time’ 😊 (but that is beside the point... just wanted to give some hope 😊 )
The point of this article was to show how one may feel in moments and episodes in life when you are expected to feel the opposite. Do not get me wrong.. I never ever regretted having a family of more than one child.. I just felt that I needed to take time to say goodbye to the life we had before. And with goodbyes start new chapters, and now I am the happiest I have ever been.
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