I stopped working when our first child was born five years ago. My husband and I decided that this is probably the lifestyle that most suited our small family and we were happy with our decision. However mum guilt is real. No matter what you do, you get that self- doubt and you wonder whether you are making the best decision after all. This article is not only about being a SAHM but also about having a child who did not attend child care. We have full respect towards the wonderful people who dedicate their lives to caring for and teaching our babies and toddlers. However, we decided that our children will be brought up full time at home since I stopped working. Today I am sharing my experience and how some 'myths' turned out to be untrue. So, let's get to it!
Myth number 1: “My daughter studied and got a diploma. She is not going to spend her days washing pots and pans” said a grandmother I met at the park when Liam was just over one year old. This was one of those comments where I just smiled and let go 😊 True, I surprise myself with how many times I end up at the sink throughout the day so she is partly right. However, my life is much more interesting than that! And being a SAHM does not imply that you are any less intelligent either.
Myth number 2: “You should send your child to day care. My child already knows the numbers and colours” These comments used to worry me. When you are a mum, you worry about your decisions constantly... Am I doing the right thing or not? I have great respect for child care centres and I admire and really appreciate all the love and dedication that the carers there offer our children. There was a time where I questioned myself and toyed with the idea of sending our child to child care so that he would not be at a disadvantage as others used to tell me. However, my husband and I decided that I would take a longer career break and Liam would be spending his days with us instead. Months passed and seeing him learn and grow and develop gave me the confidence that no he was not at a disadvantage at all. We spent our days learning through play, practicing different life skills, developing his interests and just enjoying each other. On entering Kindergarten, he knew nothing less than the other children. When Kate was born, I had the confidence that all is ok with her being home with me and I want to pass on that confidence to you.
Myth number 3: “Your child needs to go to childcare to socialise”
True … I greatly believe in children having ample opportunities to socialise. That is why we had a weekly timetable of different activities we attended with other children. We went to ‘read with me’ sessions, mother and baby clubs, Montessori play groups, music sessions and more. We went out EVERY day come rain or shine. When we didn’t have activities, we played outside at the playgrounds and gardens or beaches. When Liam was young, we used to meet a group of mummies/nannies/grandmothers and their children at our local playground on a daily basis. We would spend hours there playing with playdough, blowing bubbles, drawing with chalk, playing football and eating together. Needless to say, friendships were formed and we are still good friends till this very day. These were great times.. What I’d give to get them back!
Myth number 4: “Don’t you get bored staying home all day?”
As I stated above, I never spent a whole day at home unless we were sick. Staying home all day would have driven me mad for sure... Not because I would have been bored but we all need some sunshine to lift our spirits, we need the outdoors to move and children generally behave much better when outside. Also, the outdoors ensures more undivided attention to your child as you don't have the laundry staring at you and the messy floors glaring in your face Apart from that, we had a fixed routine. Knowing what is planned prevents boredom in my case. I tried to create activities daily and I varied them a lot. We did all sorts of stuff together; cooking, messy play, painting, gardening, watch TV, home school stuff, etc. Kids learned, memories were made and I kept myself entertained😊
Myth number 5: “You are so lucky to not have to go out to work”
True! I am so grateful and feel blessed that I can stay at home with the kids and I thank my husband for supporting us throughout this journey. However, as much as I love it, it does have its bad side as does anything else in life. Having the children home with you all day means you get no break... Even a trip to the bathroom is code for ‘family meeting’ in their eyes and I am followed everywhere. The constant bickering and moaning which happens some days drives me mental. Ending the day with a house looking like a bomb has exploded even though you cleared it up five times makes you feel like you have achieved nothing. I am truly grateful for all those times my mother took the children out to give me a break and for all the weekends my husband took the children out so I can chill at home :) But yes, maybe not quite a myth because I do feel lucky.
Myth number 6: “Your child is going to find it difficult to settle in school since you have never been apart”
Liam settled in quite well within a month of starting school. Kate on the other hand had a lot of separation anxiety issues. We knew that it was going to be hard for her as she is very close to me and wants to be with me at all times. So yes, she did find it hard to settle in but this did not last long. We are now in her second term of school and she goes in eagerly and she is now so happy to be there. So in conclusion I think it’s mostly a matter of character.
Myth number 7: “Your child is going to get so sick once he starts kindergarten”
Till now we did not suffer from any major illnesses other than runny noses (fingers crossed). Having been exposed to different play opportunities with children prior to starting school helped expose them to germs and viruses so their immune system already started building up. Other factors I believe might have helped their immune system is having Manuka honey daily (after one year of age), eating plenty of fruit and vegetables, reducing refined sugar to a minimum and playing outdoors daily. I understand that there are children who do really get sick a lot. I was one of them! But I just wanted to point out that it might not happen.
Myth number 8: “You are such a good mum for staying home”
FALSE FALSE FALSE! Staying home does not make you any better than a mother going out to work. It’s just a choice we make and we all do what is best for OUR family. In fact, I hate the term full time mummy. I don’t know who came up with this term but it makes no sense at all. Once our child is born we are mummies for the rest of our lives, 24/7, no breaks whether we like it or not 😊 I applaud all working mummies out there and I really admire how you manage to do it all. There will be a time when I will be joining the working mums' force now and I predict I am going to be quite crap at that 😊
So, there you have it! Being a SAHM is nothing more than a lifestyle choice. No matter what anyone says you are doing an amazing job! We are raising the future generation and I know we are all trying our very best in a world which makes it so hard to do so. Let’s remember to always lift each other up to be the best we can be for ourselves and our children. Believe in yourself and know that what you decide to do is more than good because you are doing what is best for yourself and your family.
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